Using BJJ as a Lifeline: What I See From the Outside In

As a female who runs a martial arts gym, I’ve had a front-row seat to something powerful—something far deeper than technique or submissions. Over time, I’ve watched Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu become a lifeline for so many men who step through our doors. Yes, BJJ is an art form, a sport, a self-defence system… but it’s also one of the most overlooked outlets for mental health, connection, and genuine conversation.

And I’ve learned that the mental and physical sides of training can’t be separated. They’re woven together so tightly that strengthening one inevitably strengthens the other.

The Conversations Before the Warm-Up

One of the things I love most happens before we’ve even bowed in.

The men chat.

They talk about their day, their stress, what’s going on at home, what’s weighing on them. It’s casual, unforced, and real. And because they’re about to train together—because trust is literally part of the sport—they open up in ways they may not always do outside the gym.

I see the WhatsApp group buzzing at all hours too. Memes, check-ins, people asking who’s coming to training, someone venting about work, another saying, “Mate, you good?”It’s simple, but it matters. It’s connection, it’s community.

Movement Is Medicine

Here’s the part that frustrates me about how society talks about mental health: we’re so quick to stick a plaster over symptoms with medication, but we rarely talk about fixing the root issues.

Of course, medication absolutely has its place—but it shouldn’t be the only answer.

What I see every week at Kong is the impact of endorphins, effort, routine, and human connection. I see men walk in carrying the weight of the world and walk out lighter—not because their problems magically vanished, but because for an hour they were allowed to move, breathe, struggle & laugh.

Physical health and mental health are not two separate journeys. They follow the same path.

On the Mats: Sometimes the Hammer, Sometimes the Nail

One of the most beautiful things about BJJ is that it teaches humility, empathy, and self-awareness just as much as it teaches technique.

We always say:Some days you’re the hammer, and some days you’re the nail.

But what I’ve noticed is something even more meaningful. If someone mentions they’ve had a rough day—maybe work was brutal, maybe something hit them hard personally—their training partners adjust. They roll lighter. They give space. They let the session be therapy, not combat.

It’s unspoken, but it’s real. That's community. That’s care.

Why BJJ Works

From my perspective as a woman who may not fully experience what men feel in their day-to-day lives, I’ve still come to understand something important:

Men need safe places to decompress, to connect, and to feel understood.Not every man wants to sit in a circle and talk about feelings—but put them on the mats, give them a challenging drill, and suddenly the conversations happen naturally.

It’s movement-based vulnerability.

It’s healing disguised as training.

We Need More Awareness

The more time I spend immersed in this world, the more passionate I become about raising awareness of BJJ as a tool for mental health. If health services recognised the power of community, endorphins, and structured physical challenge, imagine how many people could be helped before reaching a crisis point.

I’m not saying martial arts fixes everything. But I do believe it fixes something—often the thing that has been ignored for too long.

What I See Every Day

I see men laughing as they struggle to escape a position. I see them cheering each other on. I see them congratulate a teammate who finally hits a sweep they’ve been drilling for weeks. I see them sit on the edge of the mats after training, sweaty and exhausted, talking about things that clearly needed to be said.

And every time, I think:

This is why BJJ matters.This is why community matters.This is why we do what we do at Kong.

If even one person walks through our doors and leaves feeling a little stronger—physically, mentally, or both—then the session was worth it.